


The Dead Haunt Me Anyway

by AliNear



Series: Letter From No One [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben trying to be a good bro, Diego also trying to be a good bro, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, mentions abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2020-06-02 08:00:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19437256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliNear/pseuds/AliNear
Summary: I've read a lot of fics of Diego with his police scanner helping/saving a suicidal Klaus.I always wanted them to go a little more into why Klaus was on the edge or rather how he got there.Klaus just wants Ben, he'd do anything if Ben was at his side instead of this girl that was whispering about a ledge on a bridge and how it wasn't that painful- really it wasnt.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is about suicide and mentions past abuse and murders, so if this is triggers anyone, please stop reading. I don't want to hurt anyone or cause anyone pain.  
> Just know that as hard and impossible as it seems sometimes, you are wanted and loved, maybe it's hard to see right now but you are.  
> So, please, if you need help never be afraid to ask. Everyone needs help, sometimes.

Klaus’ head was pounding, a small trickle of blood leaked from his scalp and down the side of his face. He curled himself forward, hunching his back and wrapping his thin arms around himself. His boyfriend as of two weeks had kicked him out after waking him up with a lovely punch- in rage over Klaus calling out for Ben in his sleep. Jason’ red face still haunted him, making him blink back against the image his head conjured.

“He didn’t let me explain,” Klaus whined lowly, to Ben more then himself, trying to steadily ignore the looks he was receiving, the side eyeing, and the people that would pause before walking five feet around him.

“You should get that checked out,” Ben told him softly, walking shoulder to shoulder with him down the sidewalk. “I think you might have a concussion.” He tried again after a moment of silence.

His own dark eyes staring at his brother. His fingers twitch with he wants and need to check the injury, to offer comfort to his distressed brother.

Klaus was shaking though, his body twitching at odd intervals as he tried to hold himself together. But Jason hadn’t let him grab his coat and he was crashing down from a two-day high.

His leg gave out from under him, sending him crashing face first into the pavement. Blinking his eyes past the tears, he whimpered, and a new type of shivers racked through his body. It was slow at first, a couple of ghost trickling passed the diluting high, but Klaus knew that in a few moments he wouldn’t be able to see passed the dead- that the dead and living will just be a mirage of moving bodies that only he could see.

A hand was on his shoulder

Touching

Touching

Touching him.

Klaus didn’t look, didn’t think, just felt the blinding panic of the mausoleum closing in on him. couldn’t stop thinking of cold dead hands trying to touch him, pushing through his chest and whispering horrible things to him. His throat closed tightly, and he smacked his lips- _wondering if dad was really going to leave him in there without water-_ again.

Again

Again

His head pounding with the dead but also now buzzing and making him dizzy with the lack of water. _Just a little water, please dad, he’d stay and won’t complain but please just some water._

He let out a loud shriek, scrambling to his knees, he took off down the street. The dead followed close behind.

The dead came in waves. Small children sick or left to the elements- babies crying and toddlers wailing for parents that weren’t there. Older children, kidnapped, beaten, murdered, followed after, holding hands mockingly similar to games. Teens, runaways, frozen, murdered, OD'ed came after- some face he remembered from his own youth. Adults- old and young, dead from murder, sickness, accidents, and everything else. The faces and faces of his siblings’ victims, hostages they were to late to save, innocent caught in the crossfire, and the villains- the bodies the Horror ripped apart and men with knife wounds still spilling blood. Then came with the murders and rapist, whispering into Klaus’ ears about how pretty he was, and he’d fit right in with their collection, where they’d hide his body, and how they’d lovingly kill him.

Klaus skin scrawled as his ears rang with their screams. He couldn’t find Ben, where was Ben? Ben would protect him, Ben always protected him. Ben made everything better. Ben was the only one that helped, that stayed, and now Ben was gone.

Gone

Gone

Gone in the sea of the dead.

His breathing turned into sharp short wheezing messes, nails dipping into skin. He just needed it to be quiet, just for a second.

Klaus thought he saw Ben through the crowd, but as soon as he made eye contact the dead pushed his brother away.

Everything was slipping away.

He waded through the crowd, eyes down as he went, only stopping when he walked right into a railing. His hands shot out, curling around the rail as he peered down.

“This is where I died.”

Glancing up he was meet with the sight of a girl, clothes still dripping.

“I jumped off the bridge two years ago.” She told Klaus, “There’s a little edge, right over here.” She beckoned.

Klaus climbed over the railing. Crouching down he peered over the edge, eyeing the dark waters below.

“Are you going to jump too?” the girl asked, floating besides him, “It’s not too painful.”

Dolefully Klaus lamented to the water, “I want Ben.”

The dead filled the bridge, screaming out at him, most begging him to jump. He blinked at them blindly, squinting when he could make out the flashing blue and red lights. For a moment he wondered how close they were to him, wondered if he shoulders tell them their stepping on-through-into- dead people.

“NUMBER FOUR!”

Turning, he tried to peer through the crowd, spotting Diego standing there with a pale face and trembling lips and Ben- _Ben was there! Why was Ben over there?_ _Ben why’d you leave me?_

He made a high pitch keening sound in his throat, eyes locked on Ben. Diego was still screaming but his voice was drowned and consumed, overtaken by the dead that hung around him, but Ben was screaming too- Ben whose mouth was moving and tears rolling down cheeks- before the dead shifted and all he could see was a seventeen year old that was in rags, face a mess of makeup, and blood spilling between her legs.

For a moment he stood there, staring at her, wondering what he was doing. Wondering how he ever made it to twenty-five, when they people, bloody and horrifying always stayed with him. That thought sparked a warmth in his chest and he couldn’t help but smile- he had made it to twenty-five, when he was a child, he never even thought he’d make it to twenty.

He made it farther then Ben.

But…

The dead girl screamed, yelling at him to find her murder- like she hadn’t died ninety years ago. Like he could do anything to help her, to save her from what had happened long before he was born. His vision blurred with tears and he could feel his grip loosening.

Twenty-five was far enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Klaus stuck a foot over the ledge, letting it dangle in the open air for a moment before lacing it back down on the metal. For a moment everything felt clear and the panic that was all consuming sunk into a fuzzy dullness. He stared at the waters that we below and thought lovingly of the silence that would follow.

The dead girl that jumped, floated by twirling around before stopping in front of Klaus.

“Are you going to do it? It’s just a little step and then you can just float away.” She cooed, “It doesn’t hurt… I promise.”

“Just a step?”

“Yep, and everything will just go away.” She promised.

Klaus eyes locked with her own blue ones before his gazed moved to her right, looking at all the spirits that made their final resting place the bridge.

“Okay.” He answered her, though his voice was breathless and was consumed and lost with the air and noise that took up everything around him.

Turning his head, he tried to peer through the crowd of dead one last time, just to tell Diego goodbye. The blue and red lights made his head ache and he could vaguely make out the lights and shapes of a camera. But he didn’t see Diego. A person wearing a uniform- a policewomen stepped forward, her face hopeful as he focused on her, her hand was outstretched towards him.

“She killed me.” A man in a grease strained white shirt hissed, spitting at her as he followed her cautious steps, “Shot me dead because that little bitch of a whore deserved it-“

“I trained her, on the force for a few weeks before I got shot in a drug bust.” Another offer told him, the blue of his uniform strained red.

“Come on, I promised, didn’t I?” The girl soothed from his side, “It’s just one step.”

“Just one step.” Nodding to himself, “Diego’s gone, even he’s given up,” he told himself, as he turned his back towards the officers. “It’s just one step, then no one would have to worry about the useless junkie anymore.” He tried to cheer himself up.

Leaning his weight to his right, he trailed his foot across the edge. Inching forward. Inching.

A hand shot out, warm and alive, circling around his wrist and pulling. Klaus’ eyes shot down, staring at the pale hand holding onto him.

“Please,” A trembling voice whispered, “Please, Klaus don’t.”

Turning his head, he followed the hand up until he met the sight of his sister. Vanya was leaning over the railing, nearly bent in half as she gripped his wrist firmly in her hand.

“Klaus.” Her voice cracked.

Tilting his head, Klaus stared at his sister, as two warm arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him tightly.

Turning he was met with the sight of his brother- Diego- holding him to the edge of the bridge and the ledge. And, not that Diego knew this, the dead that have been following him since their first mission. Angry masked being that screamed for his brother’s death- Klaus ducked his head automatically at the sight.

“Oh.” Klaus gasped, “What are you doing?”

Vanya gave a watery laugh, “Klaus.”

“Yes?”

“Klaus, come over here, please? Just, come back over the railing.”

“Vannnyyyaaaa,” He sniffled as his eyes stung with tears, “It’s so loud.” His eyes trailed down to look at Diego, his face smooshed against the railings as he held Klaus’s waist tightly, “It’s so loud, Di.”

“That’s- that’s okay,” Diego tried, “We can- we can figure this out. Get those-those noise canceling headphones-those headphones.”

“It’s so loud,” Klaus’ voice cracked as it grew lower, “I can’t find Ben, Vany I want Ben.” 

Vanya’s eyes shot from Klaus’ face down to Diego’s staring as her brother frowned and a spark of anger danced across his brown eyes. Vanya felt the air leave her lungs and she knew as much as hearing Four plead for Six hurt, that in with this spark of anger Two could very well make it worse.

“That’s okay, that’s okay Klaus.” Vanya soothed, “I’ll-I’ll help you find Ben, okay? We can find Ben and you can, you can stay at my place, it’s quiet there.”

Tilting his head, he watched his sister as she pushed herself up and more firmly on the railing, holding steadily onto his wrist even as Diego held his waist. Biting his lip, he glanced back at the dead jumper girl who watched the scene with a smile, looking pleased. She nodded her head, as she moved closer to whisper.

“Go home.”

“Okay.”

Twisting his wrist, he gripped Vanya’s forearm before shuffling back towards the bridge.


	3. Chapter 3

Klaus doesn’t remember how he got onto Vanya’s couch or entering her apartment at all. He remembers the cold of the bridge railing, Vanya’s arms wrapping around him even as he folded in onto himself, Vanya to small to hold him up. He remembers shuffling over towards a cop car- the flashing lights blinding- as Vanya passed him off to Diego, his leather a weirdly comforting feeling under his trembling hands. He remembered watching detached as Vanya picked up her discarded violin and come rushing back to him.

But now he’s holding a steaming cup of something. His eyes trailed away from the wall and down, pausing at the tiny chip at the edge, thumbing reaching up to run over the ragged piece before he finally focused on the liquid that’s actually in the cup.

“Klaus?” Vanya’s voice was so small, he thought, just like her so small and easy to fold in and disappear into the space around her.

Tilting his head, Klaus let out a small hum wondering for half a second if he had answered to late. He heard Vanya say something in response to his hum but he wasn’t sure what it was. His headache was sitting at the base of skull and there was humming in the ears. His eyes darted away from the cup, skimming over gaunt and bloody faces.

“V?” He called out blindly, turning his head to try and see if she went behind him. "Ben?" He tried again.

A hand reached out- warm and soft with calloused finger tips- pulling the cup away and pushing him down towards the couch. Blinking rapidly, Klaus flopped over, watching as Vanya tucked her knees in and knelt beside him, brushing his curls back with pale fingers. 

“Hey, Klaus,” She whispered, “Why don’t we get some sleep, I’ll look for Ben okay?”

Klaus eyes trailed away from her face, reaching out to card his own fingers through her smooth hair.

“Ben’s always here.” He tells her, “But I can’t see him.” He could feel his eyes burn with tears.

“That- that’s okay. You know Ben’s here, you might not be able to see him, but he’s here.” She promised, “When you wake up, I bet he’ll be right here, right next to you.”

“Promise?”

“I swear.”

Diego shuffled in the hallway, watching as Vanya spoke softly to Klaus before laying a heavy blanket on him, tucking it in slightly before rising.

Diego could feel the burning heat in his chest and the pull of anger that he was so use to. His fist tightened and he knew that his nails were cutting into his palms. Turning away from the scene he desperately wanted to hit something, so he did. Slamming his fist into the drywall with a heave. It caved under his fist, leaving a dent in the normally perfect wall.

Vanya squeaked, her hands flying towards her chest. Brown eyes blown wide in shock.

Diego pushed passed her, making his way out the door. Bobbing on her feet for a second, she grabbed her key and grabbed his arm before he could make his way to the stairs. Jerking out of her hold, Diego muffled a scream.

“Fucking, FUCK!”

“Dieg-“

“SHUT UP.” He seethed.

Vanya’s face spasmed before she frowned, pulling her shoulders back and standing straight to look her brother in the eye.

“No, I won’t shut up. Our brother needs us. Both of us. Not for you to act like- act like a child throwing a tantrum because you can’t punch your problems away! Klaus needs help, actual help instead of…” Her voice shook, “We’ve failed, Diego, time and time again. Since we were 11,” her voice grew small, “Those first pills, the smoking, we never tried to stop him.”

Diego sneered but before he could defend their past actions Vanya plowed through.

“Not really, we- don’t you remember his screams.” She sobbed, tears falling freely down her eyes, “Cause I remember the screams. Until dad sound proofed his room, the dreams didn’t stop Diego, the screams didn’t stop we just couldn’t hear him. Or, Or the bruises and marks he’d have after his individual training?”

Diego turned his head away, unwilling to look Vanya in the eyes, even as he shuddered at the reminder of the screams, that would echo down the halls and seemed to consume until there was nothing but the shrill shrieks and screams coming from Klaus’ closed door.

“We need to help him.”

Diego nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

Klaus woke up warm and comfortable, he couldn’t hear Jason cursing or slamming things, nor did he wake up to Jason slapping him to get his lazy ass up. No, instead the only thing he heard were the murmur of the ghost. Curling inward, he pulled the blanket that was over him closer, snuggling himself down into whatever he was sleeping on. His mind felt foggy with sleep and eyes swollen. And, after a moment, the discomfort of his empty stomach.

Grimacing he tried to get comfortable and forget his aching stomach, remembering the last time he had eaten food from the kitchen without Jason giving it to him. He flinched at the memory.

“Klaus,” he peeked an eye open trying to blink back the film and focus, Ben was leaning over him, face just a few inches away as he whispered his name. “Klaus.”

“Benny,” He tried to coo back, scrunching his nose up at the horsiness of his voice.

Ben’s face split into a grin as he reached out and hovered his hand over Klaus head- a mockery of how he’d run his fingers through Klaus’ curls as they grew up.

“Come on Klaus,” he urged, “Vanya is making waffles, our favorite.”

He blinked open both eyes as he finally looked passed Ben to the room he was in, brow furrowing as he tried to remember how he’d gotten to their sisters. His eyes trail away from the white fireplace, taking in the shades of brown Vanya had decorated with, before lazy arching his neck towards the kitchen and dinning area, watching his sister’s back as she flipped a waffle iron- a gift Klaus had acquired from the big thrift store on ninth as a house warming present.

“Klaus,” a gruff voice called, heavy hand settling on his ankle- Klaus shrieked, flailing like a fish as he tried to get away, falling straight off the couch.

A curse came from the kitchen even as Klaus swung his head around to see who had touched him.

Diego still had his hand reached out, face slack in shock at the reaction he had gotten before a snort of amusement broke into gruff laughter. Klaus blinked up at him, hand sliding across already bruised flesh to rub at the spots that hit the ground.

“Di?”

He nodded, smile still tugging at his lips as he got off the armchair to lend a hand to Klaus. Accepting the help, Klaus hauled himself up, ignoring his hands shaking as he looked between his two siblings, as Vanya unplugged the waffle iron and hurried over, her hands moving awkwardly before she finally grabbed onto his Klaus’ bare arm.

“Hey, Klausie.” She said in her soft voice, looking up at his much taller form.

“Hi, V.”

“I made your favorite.” She told him, head tilting towards the kitchen even as she tugged his arm making him stumble forward.

“Be- I know.” He said awkwardly, mind echoing with the words shouted and spat on him the last time he had said Ben was there.

She let go of his arm as he sat in one of three chairs around the small round dinning table, Diego taking the one to the left of him.

“Oh, did Ben tell you?” she asked lightly, back turned towards him, steadily trying to ignore the shock that melted into elation that made her skinny brother’s face light up.

She sat his plate in front of him, eyes meeting Diego’s as Klaus nodded in confirmation, still smiling about her believing him. After a moment the three living siblings are eating the waffles, Klaus looking up at Ben- sitting on the kitchen counter and watching them with a small tiny smile- he glances back at his plate before getting up. Stumbling around the table he shifts through the cabinets, giggling when one of the doors goes through Ben’s head- who huffs and puffs his cheeks out in mock anger. Pulling out a fourth plate, he continues to ignore his sibling’s questions as he scoops half of his waffle onto a plate and set it on the counter.

“There you go Benji,” he says, patting the countertop as his hand goes through Ben’s knee.

Nodding happily, he takes his place back at the table and continues eating, not explaining anything to his living siblings.

It’s silent in the apartment. Or rather silent between the siblings. The only ghosts are of the nannies from when they were little, and the men Diego had killed on father’s orders- ghost Klaus were rather use to. He was even pleased to notice that Diego’s entourage had grown smaller. Klaus had seen it before- though it was usually with ghost Ben had made- some of the more compassionate ones (Like those seven bank robbers trying to get money for their children’s cancer care, having all met at the same hospital and all denied the best care because their funds were lacking) would see Ben morning over the lives he took and how Reginald treated them. They wouldn’t walk into the light as much as fade, turning less and less solid in Klaus eyes, like someone turning the opaque slide on photoshop. He half wondered if he should ask one of the nannies if they knew what made the men leave.

He was so lost in thought he didn’t notice the looks between Diego and Vanya until she cleared her throat.

“Allison’s flight will get in, in a few hours- Di said he’d pick her up and obviously Luther is still on the moon, but he said he’d be here if he could.”

Tilting his head Klaus watched her blankly, eyes trailing to look at Ben for an explanation.

“Why’s Alli coming over here?” his brow furrowed, and he felt his cheeks ache with the frown that crossed his face, “And when’d you talk to Lu?”

“Klaus…” Diego began, as Vanya slide her hand across the table to grab his forearms, fingers digging into his thin and boney arms, as her eyes prickled with tears.

“What do you remember about yesterday?”

Pursing his lips out, he squinted trying to decide if it was a trick question. Seeing how serious the two were looking at him he spoke slowly, trying to bring up memories of the day before.

“I- I dreamt about Ben,” he admitted, “I don’t remember the dream, but I couldn’t find him. I must of-“ he bit his bottom lip before he whispered, “I must of said something in my sleep, Jason, my boyfriend, was mad at me, said I was cheating. I wasn’t!” Klaus promised, “Then… he got mad…”

Diego’s hands were shaking as he glared heatedly at the wall, eyes briefly looking at Vanya’s own misty ones when they realized where the bruising and the blood that had clung to his curls came from.

“I, my head hurt, and the longer I walked the worse I felt and then, Ben. Ben? Ben!” He looked around frantically, eyes flying before he spotted Ben.

Ben who pulled his hood up and was watching him sadly, still sitting on the counter.

“I couldn’t find Ben.”

“I was there, Klaus,” Ben promised.

“And, and I hadn’t had a hit. Everything, everything was getting so loud and my head already hurt. And,” His breath came out raggedly.

Vanya made a kenning noise in the back of her throat before she hummed, letting her grip on his arm go in favor of rubbing it soothingly. Klaus let out a broken sob. Diego stood up, chair flying back as he reached to Klaus, curling over his shaking form in a protective human cloak.

“There was a girl, she was telling me how she jumped.” His voice came out small, far quieter than even Vanya’s as he admitted this fact.

“She said it would be quiet.” His inhale was ragged and wet as he said it.

“It’s,” Vanya’s voice cracked, “That’s okay. We’ll figure this out, okay? Alli will be here soon and you can stay with me for now.”

Diego sighed, reaching an arm out to rub Vanya’s shoulder, even as he leaned more heavily into Klaus’ shaking form, trying to give leach some of the cold that surrounded his form.

“It’ll be the best of the Academy,” Diego promised, “Allison, me, Vanya, B-Ben, and even Lu said he’d help from space.”

“Five would help too, if he was here.” Vanya scowled lightly, before ducking her head to meet Klaus’ glittering green eyes, “We messed up and hurt each other. But we can make this better, remember your first interview? Us against the world,” she held out her hand, pink sticking up in the mock seriousness of their vow from nearly fifteen years ago.

Hooking his finger with hers, Klaus gave a shaky smile.

With Diego on his back, pinky hooked with Vanya, and Ben sliding closer to join the group, Klaus felt something he hadn’t felt in years.

Hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like i haven't used photo shop in like... 3 years so for the life of me i cant remember if that bare thingy is called the opaque bar or not, but i'm just to tired to look that up. 
> 
> I might.   
> Maybe  
> make an epilogue.

**Author's Note:**

> Cause you know, I don't already have six or so on-going fics right now.


End file.
